The Crash

In the midst of exams, being sick, juggling expectations, I give up. On fighting, on caring, on life.

I’m done.

I find that when you get onto a speeding bullet train like the one I’m on, it’s impossible to get off. And so you just pray, that when the crash comes, you’ll survive it somehow. Because you’ve just right run out of steam to try and save yourself.

It’s like starting a poker game with 2mil under your belt and losing hand after hand, riding on the worst losing streak you’ve ever known. And at first you get angry, and upset, and not a little bit annoyed that your flush gets beaten for a full house. But the streak is unforgiving, is never ending, and you reach a brick wall, only realising you’ve hit it when you find yourself a million down, getting the same lousy hand over and over again, and not caring anymore. You don’t even try to rationalise the odds. You know you’re gonna lose, but it’s the only thing left in your life, good or bad. So you stick with it. Just drawing the cards and folding them.

Whatever lah.